Endless Beginnings

MarriageI was a little girl who dreamed. I dreamed of love without flaws. I dreamed of marriage without selfishness. I dreamed of babies without pain.  And I realize now my heart full of innocence, and my mind of blue sky. Clouds were just good times and my sky was full of them.

But something grows stronger, as I grow older. Voices yell louder. And they aren’t my own. Voices of cynics and voices of realists. Voices of life and voices of trials. Voices of bitterness, and voices of madness. Voices of lies and voices of truth. Voices crowd the spaces between the clouds, and the echoes of others fill my sky.

They say trials, I say life. They see hardship, I see binding. They cry anger, I find growth. They shout trapped, I whisper committed. They choose feeling, I choose choice.

My sky is different now. Because love will be flawed. Marriage will breed selfishness and children will bring pain. But the crowding voices do not sway me, because we rest beneath the blanket of God’s grace. We are being sanctified. This journey is carving us to be more like Him. Flaws are a mirror of the heart, and love will grow deeper. Selfishness by marriage will be followed by forgiveness. Children will bring pain, but they weed out the parts of me I cannot find and grow abounding joy within me.

Our marriage begins to cut us, making our edges define Christ within us. And we are one.

This is my happily ever after.

****************

I close the journal that is not my own. I am just 19. I am not married. This love journey is not mine; not right now. But I do have a sky. A blue sky just like her. Clouds just like her. Voices just like her. But my adventure with him hasn’t started. My pages of marriage are blank.

I see my big blue sky. And they say trials, I say life. They see hardship, I see binding. They cry anger, I find growth. They shout trapped, I whisper committed. They choose feeling, I choose choice.

People are misinformed about happily ever after. Because really, ever after is just built of endless beginnings.  Beginnings of love. Beginnings of pain. Beginnings of joy. Beginnings of tears.Beginnings of family. Beginnings of selflessly giving all.

Beginnings that will carve and cut us to be more like Christ. And one day my big blue sky will be full of beginnings that I don’t even know about yet. My ever after is different from the fairy tales. It is the ever after that sanctifies us to be more like Christ.

And I will happily wait for this ever after.

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