Just a about a week ago, I was quite frustrated when I told him, “NO. I can get it!” He was trying to help me with my chair. He was being a gentlemen. I was being a brat. He was being kind. I was being selfish. So, he just stopped helping me with my chair and sat down to let me finish what he started. Seriously? I made a huge exclamation about wanting to get my own chair situated??
Now, rewind a couple of years….
In my early teen years, I had often had that openly independent attitude. I can get the door. I can get my own chair. I will beat you at arm wrestling. I can do it on my own. No, I can carry these boxes by myself. I don’t need a flashlight when walking in the dark. I can best you at anything. LA LA LA! That was me, Miss Defiant Independent. I’ve had to change a lot since that time because of all the physical pain that my body is in. It’s one of the (many) reasons that all this physical pain is worth it.
But let’s fast forward to the other day…..
I got frustrated and annoyed because my best friend was trying to help me with my chair like a gentleman would do. Immediately after the exchange, I felt horrible, because I was pushing away an opportunity that he had to help me. I was rejecting something that he so clearly wanted to give me. “I can do it myself!” is such a deadly sentence. When I deny people the love that they want to show me, I am robbing them of their joy.
In this particular moment, his love was helping me with my chair. But I told him no and verbally pushed him away. I can’t tell you how many times I have insisted on doing things my own way because of my own pride and self-proclaimed independence. The truth is that I need to be helped, and I can’t always do it by myself. I need to allow others to help me when they so obviously want to. Those small snippets of love that can be shown in every day life are so easily stolen by our selfishness.
I stole his opportunity to love and care for me. I stole it, because I am selfish. After I realized what I had taken, I resolved to ask him for help. So, the next time we were about to sit down, I asked him….”Can you help me with my chair?” Did I really need help with my chair? No, not really. I mean, I’ve been sitting down in chairs for my whole life! I know how it’s done.
Was it an opportunity for him to care for me? Yes! And he wanted to. You should have seen his face after I let him help me with my chair. Priceless. I let him love me, and often letting someone love you is just as important as actively loving them.