Aside from feeling that someone cut me open and had a fight with my insides, I’m feeling great! Still amazed that this surgery came to pass. I think my God is pleased to know that I am still in wonder, still in amazement at the miracle He worked. I won’t try to describe to you the wads and wads of red tape that I (and everyone who helped me) had to work through to just get to where I was last Thursday. We will just start with the phenomenon that I finally had a surgeon!
So as the responsible adult that I am (HA), I decided to schedule two appointments. The first for a general rundown of my diagnosis & the second for a possible surgery if we got all the paperwork done in time. Of course, it would be stretch to do all that in the space of a week. However, I had finally learned two lessons when working with all things medical.
1. God is sovereign! Hallelujah.
2. “The squeaky wheel gets the grease” -wise words from my Grandpa.
I was applying his wisdom with the understanding that only God could give me surgery less than a week after an initial appointment. After arriving at the surgeon’s office, I filled out lots of paperwork. Just call me the Paperwork Whiz. After talking with the surgeon and hearing all sorts of stuff I already knew, the nurses rounded up all the paperwork and insisted that he “fill it out right away!” And “Amanda is taking care of everything”, and “If we get this all submitted today, you could have your surgery next week!” I thought how amazing that would be! A potential surgery date was something I dearly wanted, and something that I now had.
I wrote on Facebook and messaged the dear friends who have so often prayed for me in this way. The joy I was feeling was hopeful, yet anxious. Though not as anxious as it could be, because I was embracing the truth that God could absolutely give me surgery next week if it was His timing. So I began to desperately pray for this desire of my heart. Reigning in my wild pleas as I asked that it only be done if it was God’s timing. Monday or Tuesday….those were the days I would find out a yes or a no. I was used to hearing a no, but I was convinced that God would give me a yes. Though I admit my confidence wavered, then flew back in with strength.
I let Monday go by without calling, because surely it would be Tuesday before we would have an actual answer. No call. Then Tuesday came…and I was not happy with what I heard. Amanda had faxed over the request to my primary care doctor. But they didn’t get it. So that meant that my request for surgery hadn’t even met the eyes of the dear ole insurance company that would no doubt take days to approve the surgery. I was disappointed.
But I’ve truly learned a lot from these months and months of medical things. Last year, I would have thrown my hands in the air and given up. Or maybe even sat in a corner and sulked for a few minutes. I mean….”insurance…really.”
Not this time. I picked up the phone and made calls back and forth between both the surgeon’s office and my primary doctor’s office. I even looked up the number for my insurance company. If someone could be called, by George!…I was going to call.
After things sorted out and my paperwork was submitted to the insurance company, I was feeling better. I had done everything on my part that could be done. Plus, Amanda called my insurance company several times to tell them of my situation. I was tag teaming with Amanda and we were being squeaky wheels (aka annoying). I more than her.
After all the calls on Tuesday, I stopped the work I was doing at the school and knelt to pray as I again begged God for surgery if it be His desire for me. Waiting wasn’t as difficult as I had made it in the past. God knew my needs, and He knew the timing with which those needs should be met.
I went to my IIM Tuesday class. Prayer requests were asked for and I gave mine. And we prayed that I would have surgery soon.
Soon after this Amanda called me back. “The insurance company went ahead and approved your surgery.” She kept on going, but I interrupted her. “Are you SERIOUS?!” Of course, she was serious….God was saying “Yes, it’s time!!”
Amanda went on to give me more instructions. Things like “Come in tomorrow to sign paperwork. We’ve scheduled you for Thursday morning. Come at 8. Tomorrow go by the lab for some tests.” I’m surprised that my brain retained all the information. I hardly asked any questions, which is unusual for me. I usually just spout about a dozen inquiries for them to answer. But I was just too excited that surgery was about 24 hours away!
I walked back into class and I told them the news. There is hardly anything better than praising God with your peers for a prayer that happened only minutes prior to it being answered. God is powerful. He shows Himself great. An approval for surgery that should have taken days or weeks only took hours, because that is how God chose to show Himself glorious.
I basked in that joy with tears and awe. Because El Roi…..the God who sees. I celebrated that night by reading in Mark 5 about the woman with the issue of blood that could not be cured save for when she touched the garment of Jesus Christ. That’s my God. He is still powerful. He is still healing. And He has never changed.
I found out it’s hard to go to the bathroom with 15 thousand cords hanging from your body. I found that nurses tell jokes that are just really crude. I found that I really like going into surgery with doctors and nurses who are enjoying themselves. Making jokes….laughing….working together….it’s wonderful to watch. I found out that I can only watch for so long before I go loopy. I found that it’s better to be fascinated by all the equipment rather than scared. I found that Ben still looks handsome as two people. Being loopy is overrated. And water is under-appreciated. I found that all of this is better than a fairytale.
And I found that when my heart sings out to God in awe, every word tangles together to say El Roi. The letters weave and combine and all I can comprehend is “El Roi…the God who sees.”