The Good Kid & Grace

 What does it feel like to be working at camp after having grown up there my entire life? What does it feel like to be doing exactly what my Mom has been doing for years? What does it feel like to be following in the footsteps of my family before me? What does it feel like to be doing the thing that looks safe, not brave? How does it feel to look like a cookie cutout of good Christian values?

Well, it feels like freedom.

Beautiful and magnificent freedom!

Last year, I completely broke loose of the labels and names I had believed about myself. There were some labels I placed on my own life and some that others placed on me. But I discovered that I was child of God first and the plastic labels could no longer have a hold on me.

I was free by the grace of God, and I could live free in His hope and love! I could go back to camp and feel no bondage of the past! I could do what my Mom does knowing that I fully chose it and no one else controlled that decision for me. I could work at camp and separate myself from the comments & assumptions that I was only doing it because my family did so before me. I found bravery and courage in pursuing God rather than my own self. And I want to do good as a Christian, not to earn favor with God or man, but to show my God that my heart is full of love and adoration for Him.

I AM FREE.

Isn’t it a miracle that me, who once felt imprisoned by the nauseating “good” kid label, has broken out of that suffocating grasp? Isn’t it a miracle that even though I may seem like a copycat Christian to all the people in the world, I feel no wounds by their judgment or criticism? Isn’t it a miracle that it no longer vexes me when people say, “Oh, so you do camp ministry because your family does it?”.

 God’s grace and His love for me have run wild throughout my heart. His truth captivates my soul and brings rest to my weary mind. The power of human words cut deep, but the truth of God reaches deeper.

I used to believe that I had less of a miraculous story, because my life was never filled with drugs, sex, cutting, or tragedy. My life never had the easily seen dramatic turnaround that so many others have experienced.

I was the good kid just trudging along. I sought God down the pathway as I listened to the harrowing tales of others. I struggled within myself. But the more I sought God, the more my view deepened and my heart knew change.

I began to see how God’s grace had its rampant way with me. I was no longer trudging; I was dancing. I was no longer the good kid; I was God’s child. I was no longer the story with barely any miracles, I was a woman holding so many! And it wasn’t because of me; it was because of God alone!

God has shown me how truly free I am, how perfectly acceptable it is to cry, sing, and write poetry for Him. God has shown me that my life can be etched with a hope and fervor… a separation from what other people think of me…a passionate zeal for the One who has set me free from the power that opinions, words, and others had over me.

I AM FREE.

This is the kind of joy my heart has found because of God. This is the grace and love of God that I call home.

So, you may ask how it feels to look like a “cookie-cutter” Christian, a copycat of my parents, a good kid without courage…

And I would tell you that it feels like freedom.

Beautiful and magnificent freedom!

Because I’ve found it’s no longer about what people think they know about me, it’s simply that I know God and am seeking Him with every inch of my heart and soul.

This is freedom!

THIS IS JOY.


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previously:

An Open Letter to Good Kids

September Grace 

Are You a Christian Kid Afraid of the Ministry?

 

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