Hannah Talks Marriage | Part 2

{Don’t miss PART 1. Click HERE!}

I was always told, “Follow your husband. It’s just what you do.” Turns out, that actually looks highly different in each marriage, and nobody can prepare you in advance for what that means in your own home, and guess what? You won’t hate it.

My first year, I had just moved to WI, and I just integrated into a totally different church. It was the perfect church for me and for us, but it was different. It was more “liberal” than what I had grown up in. It was bigger than any church I’d ever regularly attended, and it was chalk full of people that knew Jake since he was a lil’ squirt, and they didn’t know squat about me.

Jake was a youth leader. I remember reading the power-point one Sunday of all the youth leaders. They were all like…these couple teams- power couples, if you will, and Jakes name was alone there on the bottom of the list. A lot of people would ask me, “So, are you going to be a youth leader with Jacob?” And I would say, “Nope.” I mean, I said more than that, but that was the gist.

I always thought that I would latch onto the ministry that my husband did…always. But, I was burnt out. totally. completely. burnt. out. I had no interest in ministry. I just needed to be fed- needed being the key word. I also did not at all feel called to being a youth leader with Jake. For some reason, I just didn’t feel the Holy Spirit pushing me in that direction- SHOCKER.

By the end of the year, I still did not feel led to be in that ministry. I told Jake where I felt like God was pushing me. I told him that that is where God has put a burden in my heart, and do you know what he did? He told the leader of the youth group, “Sorry, I won’t be a youth leader next year. My wife is drawn to a different ministry, and I want to serve alongside her.” He told me a couple of weeks later that it was the right choice, and he said that our church was in need of that specific ministry whereas the teens have many leaders.

That’s just not how it’s supposed to go! At least, I was always taught that you just did what your husband did and you go where he goes. But spiritually, I just couldn’t, and I know that many people will disagree with me in that and many other ways that my husband and I live, but ultimately, God led both Jake and I in the same direction, and I never felt more loved than when my husband decided to give up his ministry to tackle something that I was passionate about with me.

I have learned to be more unconditional in the love I give. I didn’t develop stronger feelings toward him, but I was challenged many times to love him despite how I felt. We can just be ourselves together, and that’s soooooo nice. I don’t hide who I am. He knows my flaws. I know his. He knows my quirks. I am well aware of his. 🙂 We enjoy each other. We can’t wait to be with each other. I am comfortable around him.

I usually come across as a very strong person…or, at least, a strong personality hahaha…..ahem….but on the inside, there’s a lot bottled up, including but not limited to- weakness and self-uncertainty. Jake loves exactly who I am so much that I can be myself.

I’m stubborn, and he actually likes that about me. I’m upfront and honest and generally don’t try too hard to please others whereas he is the direct opposite (any guesses as to who is more well-liked? Yup, he is 100%). But, he has grown to value that personality trait in me because we balance each other out well, and he supports that level of honesty.

That same personality trait is what makes me very open to talk to women of any sort about sex, struggles, addictions, trauma, depression, and all sorts of crazy stuff that nobody wants to splat all over the place about their personal shortcomings. He has just encouraged me to continue on that path, and I’ve been able to help a lot of women on a one-on-one basis.

He is very supportive. Sup…suppor- what? A MAN being supportive of his wife?? I have a supportive, loving husband that respects me, and I, as well, am challenged to be unconditionally loving, supportive, and respectful of him. It often just works like a seesaw for us, and neither of us are the type of person that jumps ship when the other is up in the air on that see saw.

We’ve all been there, right? When you land super hard on your bum after being blindsided like that? Yeah, neither of us do that to each other. The man I love with all my heart helps me every day to become a better woman, and he inspires me to keep my personality while serving Christ.

The End.

I want girls to know that–

Real love is unconditional. But, when you are choosing a husband, do not love every man or boyfriend or even fiance unconditionally. I mean, love them as a brother in Christ unconditionally, but if there is something that makes the two of you incompatible, break it off. You do NOT want to marry a mean man. Once you are married, love that person unconditionally.

By the time Jake received my heart, it was composed of broken shards of hart lit on fire until only ash remained. I had been through a couple traumas that most will never even know about- traumas that haunted me and damaged me. I had dated some guys, and some guys were good, but some guys were not, and that had left me a very distrusting person. I had never quite found a place in the circles I had been raised in, and people didn’t know a lick of who I was. I was depressed and uncertain.

When I met Jake, I told him, “I have no business dating right now. You should not even be going after me because I have no love to give. I will hurt you.” He had seen me love some kids, and he decided that he wanted me.He saw the woman God wanted me to be. He saw through all the abrasiveness, somehow.

Love sees who a person is in Christ. Love sees, not the flaws, but the finished picture of what Christ is doing in somebody’s life.


connect with Hannah at 
hannaharstories@gmail.com 

SHARE:

MORE:

Emily Talks Marriage

Bryndal Talks Marriage

Sarah Talks Marriage

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Hannah Talks Marriage | Part 2

  1. kelsee727 says:

    I must say, I have been so..fearful of marriage. It isn’t because of who I am marrying, but everything that comes with it. This series is helping me become more comfortable with the idea. I know marriages are not perfect and have wondered how people make it work. You can’t really just cut something like that off. There is work. All of the posts have been so helpful. For some reason, this one is more relatable for me. I am stubborn, have a hard time with apologies, and cloud my brain with crazy expectations. This has allowed me to see that I CAN balance it out, even when marriage comes along.

    • SierraFedorko says:

      OH I love this Kelsee!! This woman is actually my sister, and I KNOW she would love emailing you if you have more questions about marriage or just want to chat about your concerns and fears. Hannah is super relatable, always honest, and VERY transparent! The email at the bottom of this post is free for you to use. She’d love it.

      And I’m so glad you are enjoying this series. I was hoping it would be helpful. So much more to come!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s