The first few months were a mix of excitement and frustration. Everything was new and different. For the first time, we lived in our own place, not a dorm, or our parents home,. We had something to call our own. It was very exciting to start new traditions and policies in our home. We found fun in the little things, in how we both liked certain areas of the home to flow and run. We spent the first holidays together with no other family. It was great to have that time together.
On the other hand, we did have our struggles. I was attending college, and Lance was looking for work. It took about six months before he could find a job that was worth it. I went to school, and was a nanny for two girls. Thankfully, we moved to an area that was low cost of living so we got by on just a little. However, I think it was a strain on Lance. He wanted to be the one to provide for our family, but it seemed like each job was a dead end. He got by on a few jobs that needed his hand for a limited amount of time, and even had one job for three months.
One issue that created a lot of drama and tension was family. We were nowhere near family, but still their influence was close by. Our biggest desire for the first year of our marriage was to be away from family to learn how to depend on one another, and not let family get in between us.
There was one constant family member that cause many issues. Sometimes, it would pin me and Lance against each other, or make us come together stronger. All in all, it really made us trust one another more, and to work together rather than jump to conclusions. But, I will be honest, this issue was one that created a lot of arguments between us. It has taken us years to finally confront this issue as a couple.
Let your disappointment be fleeting. I cannot tell you how many times Lance has disappointed me, and it has crushed him. It actually has hurt him when I am disappointed. I learned very early that he would do anything to avoid my disappointment in him at any cost. If we needed some new appliance and I just had to have it, he would let me get it…even at the cost of insufficient funds. This really did not happen a lot, but I learned that my attitude weighed heavily on him; and that I had to stop being selfish.
Now I am not one that needs many things, or desires a lot. I have learned to live without. I think Lance always wanted to make me happy at any cost. Once I saw what was happening, I started to not voice what I wanted. Once in awhile I would, but not constantly. I did not want to be a burden to Lance, who has been the main bread winner for our family. I hope that in not being so vocal I have made things easier on him.
Disappointment is one of the worst feelings someone can have, and even more so in a marriage. Disappointment is a constant feeling of failure. As a wife to my husband, I know that working so hard to make someone else happy, but never reaching the level can be almost like a plague.
So I learned to take pleasure in the small things, not the big, grand, and exciting things. If my expectations are low, I will constantly feel joy. If I have high expectations, I will never be satisfied.
Right now we have two boys under the age of three. Most of our time is spent on them. Lance works long shifts at work, and we barely see him. I am home all day with the boys, and work from home. We also give time to our church in various ministries. So, it never feels like Lance and I have much time to ourselves.
But in those moments of freedom from the kids, either early morning, nap time, or nighttime, we are able to share with one another. We just share our thoughts about our day, the problems we have, or that we just miss each other.
We also sneak time in to watch shows without interruption, or eat cake that we don’t have to share with the kids. Ironically, it makes me feel like a kid again, like my parents are out on dates that only last a few hours. But this time, we are the parents with kids. So, in those little moments we seem to treasure them, but always want more time together.
The good stuff in marriage is–
Someone that is constantly there for you. I cannot tell you how many times I have been sick, and Lance has been there for me. Or the times I am at my wits end, and he comes along and saves the day. Or when he encourages me to do the things I desire to do. I love that he is mine, and I am his. No one can take that away from us. We have each other to lean on, talk to, and to love.
In raising kids, I do not have to bear the burden alone. We are side by side doing it together. I am thankful for the times he comes home and can relieve me, so I can take a bath, nap, or just a few minutes alone. I also love the times we are able to get away and spend together. It makes me feel like a kid again, and I love that we just share so much. We can just read each other’s minds sometimes.