Our love seems like it has matured. It is no longer a simple love, but a deep trust in one another. We have become one. Seeing from where we came from to where we are now, it is a world of difference. They way we communicate now holds more meaning. Before, it seemed like we would tread carefully on topics.
Now, we have no boundaries, we put forth our thoughts and feelings. Sometimes when we do go too far, we forgive one another. We know when that bond of ours is broken or in need of repair.
Sometimes it is hard to come to that point, and know we need to fix things. I see that both of us do not want to give up on the other. When dating, or in our case courtship, we always had that back door. If things just were not working out, one could leave; either for just that moment or permanently. Now, we have this urgency to stay with one another.
We were in a ministry that we had dreamed of being in, and it was great. Sure there were challenges, like moving multiple times, having hard living conditions, and so on, but it really did not bother us. We knew that a ministry had to start somewhere. We knew that we had to work hard in order to reap that reward.
We received training during the middle of our stay in this ministry. At that time it worked, but now we wished we had gotten that first to miss the mistakes we made prior. During this training we felt very fired up to go back to our ministry. We were still confused on what to do about certain things, and felt caught in the middle about others, but it would sort itself out, right?
Once we were gearing up for summer, more problems arose. It actually never felt like that stopped. New challenges came daily, if not more. It felt like we were drowning, and that we were alone. It was like we would solve one problem, to find later that someone would come along and change what we had done, creating a bigger problem.
For us, we started to become bitter and the murmuring started in our home. It was not right on our part. Once things continued to get worse, Lance decided that it was best for our family to leave. It was so hard! I remember sitting on Lance’s lap just sobbing over the fact that we would leave this ministry that we loved. It was so painful. We knew that God wanted us to walk away from this ministry. We trusted in God to lead the ministry as He saw fit.
After that we were broken.
To this day we still are, but we have been working on coming together more. We have had to start those hard conversations between us. Open old wounds and make them heal properly. We have not been perfect in this process, but we have stuck together. That is what counts. We choose not to give up on one another, but to work together. During that time we held to each other. I learned to trust him more. To know that he will make the right decisions for our family.
Lance also helped me with my confidence. I never knew how low my confidence was until we were together. He helped instill in me great hope and courage. He showed me love, even when I did not deserve it. He showed me forgiveness, even when I could not. Lance has constantly been an example to me.
With all the dark secrets, Lance has shown me not to be afraid of them. He has shown me Christ love in his actions. It has helped me to be stronger, and not look back at the past and all its pain. He has shown me to look forward.
Being married to him has made me stronger. I feel a confidence in my relationship with Christ. I feel like I can do anything, because he has shown me all that I can do. Lance was with me through some hard moments in my life. But he showed me not to be afraid, but to hold onto Christ.
I want girls to know that–
Real love isn’t about always feeling lovey and dovey. It is about hard work. You constantly have to love even in hard times. When attitudes are harsh, the air is tense, and feelings are on the line, love needs to be our first response…just as Christ calls us to love others, even our enemies. Our husbands know the worst things about us, just as we know that of them.
With having children, I honestly would look in the mirror and know that my body has changed. However, my husband still loves me. He knows every secret, evil deed, and wrong doing I have done in my life; and he still loves me. When I said my vows, I made that same decision to love him no matter what.
Even after the honeymoon is over, when bills pile up, storms break through, and feelings change, we have still loved one another. We have had to work on ourselves together on some really hard problems. No matter how ugly things got, we held together. That is why many marriages fail, because one or the other gives up. Once that happens, there is no hope.
However, I am thankful for a husband that chooses to love me. Love is not a feeling, but an action. Sometimes that feeling may not be reciprocated. And that is okay. We must always choose to love just as Christ loved us.