This Is Joy Deep Down in My Soul

I sit in the backyard on a white plastic chair handed down to us by Ben’s parents. The chandelier sits in the middle of the patio table waiting as it has for over a year to be hung in the trees above the backyard space we have imagined. Two strands of lights are strung from the trees and the old, original Cottonwood Lane sign takes up residence in the tree across from me.

I am buried in yellow buttercups, opening my notebook to write out my prayers which have been recorded there often, though lately huge gaps have been thrown in between.

My relationship with God has richened and with it a more dedicated desire to worship God by writing out words. I am overwhelmed by the world around me. The way the sunlight falls on the blades of green…the bird chirping softly, then the loud one like a sibling making its presence known.

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The First of Spring

I plucked the first of many spring blooms last week. The buttercups sprout up faster than any other flower around my home. There are baby purple ones that nearly touch the earth full-grown…but the yellow buttercups are the surest sign that spring has come to stay. The first week of spring was full of realizations both deep and practical. I’ve begun this season with so much joy and anticipation, but the first full week of it was a chaotic stop-start situation!

For me, late fall and winter is a time of reflection. It is when I wrap up the year and look forward to another while remembering the past. It’s probably my favorite season, but then there is spring! And my heart is ready to really live all of life again! However, this spring (as I mentioned before) has had a chaotic beginning. 🙂  Continue reading

Breathtaking Life Better Now Than Ever

We were driving home, and there it was. The entire promise from God lit up the November sky. I breathed in deep. I breathed in whole from the broken places. I kept on staring at that November sky. How could I not? It was God keeping His promise. It was God reminding me of Himself. It was my brittle heart existing in the richness of His nearness. It was me learning I didn’t have to hold my breath anymore. It was healing.

On a stormy March day filled with hail and thunder, I saw it again. God keeps His promises. The entire March sky was filled in with beautiful light. It was a full rainbow right before my eyes…again. I could not stop staring. God keeps His promises. Just look how beautiful!

And since the reawakening of my heart last year, I have clung to God far deeper, far more often. I have fallen helpless into His comfort and known victory in heart-wars. I have experienced days of defeat and nights of restlessness, but then God continues to rescue me, filling up all my heart with all of Him, reminding me gently and sometimes painfully that I cannot know life without Him. Ever. Continue reading