Her exclamation made me smile. She was so happy and so exuberant that the only way this 5-year-old could express the feeling was to say “I’m shaking with joy!” But how many of us aren’t like her at all. We are just waiting around…just waiting and trudging…and hoping for some form of joy to hit us like a lightening bolt?
I’ve waited around plenty, and yet the entire last year of my life has taught me that you don’t wait for joy to come to you, you KNOW God and joy inevitably comes. You don’t feel joy, so much as you know Joy…because you know God. Continue reading
then grief said to joy–
I have made a graveyard of her expectations. It will be the perfect place for flowers. I have made her laughter homeless, so you can make it richer. I am going down every heart-road, so she stops getting lost. I am stealing all the noise of life so she doesn’t get distracted. I am piercing her heart, and though the pain is deep and canyon wide, she is safe. Because I am a road that leads to healing.
I am the wilderness, so you can come through to fill it. I am the arsonist, so you can grow hope from the ashes. I destroy, but do not leave destruction. I am the bathroom tile, so you can be the working knees that stand up tall and fight forward once again.
I am the hollow feeling, so she knows how overflowing feels. I am the earthquake that cracks the complacent house wide open. I am the framework for the home of gratitude. But framework has holes and air between and it’s painful and ugly with splinters.
I am the tidal wave that breaks rhythm with the seashore. And then beautiful things come to the surface. I am the rebel that rejects the Dayspring words, so she’ll find comfort Somewhere else. And she’ll begin to remember you soon enough. I am the cracks in the sidewalk, so you can be the green impossibly shooting through.
I am the chaos, so she learns how good it is to cry aloud. I am the tangled thoughts, so she opens up to the Psalms. I am the worker with a thankless job, so she learns what it means to give thanks.
And I am here before you, because I am only the beginning. I cannot wait to see what you’ll do with all that’s left behind. I can just imagine the wildflowers springing up…some even touching the big blue sky.
then grief went to sleep.
and joy came in the morning.
I entered this Christmas holiday rather naively…AS IF I WOULD TAKE A LOT OF PHOTOS WHEN MY WHOLE FAMILY IS JUST CHILLING TOGETHER. Oh, excuse my yelling.
I was just so busy catching up, drinking coffee, inhaling whip cream, laughing, joking, acting 15x more immature than usual, talking late at night, waiting for my brother to get engaged, wedding planning with Ember pretty much as soon as that engagement took place, looking at our wedding photos, laughing with my sister about the awkward photos we both received…and well OK! You get it! At what point did I have time to take photos? I do have a hap-hazard amount, but I kind of love that.